Going to rant whether people read it or not!! </3 no one to talk to nowhere to turn </3

Well the past two months or there abouts have been total and utter hell… Back in February i went through a really bad patch again worst iv been in ages… Started self harming again badly continuing for days on end, my anxiety got really hard to cope with and was having frequent panic attacks (2-3 daily) my mood was extremely low and started being suicidal.. went to my doctor on the Tuesday and he said wait and see how bad you get because he was hoping it was just a blip so he gave me vallium to try and keep me calm and he would ring me after work on the Wednesday, to say the least vallium didn’t work!! I had a really bad panic attack about an hour before he rang ended up being a proper brake down, when he eventually rang i told him and he took me straight of the vallium and onto lyrica for a day to see if it would help, but i couldn’t get the prescription until the Thursday when it finally came through he told he would ring me again after work on Friday to see how things were!! But things just got worse, i ended up self harming pretty bad for the first time in 8 and a half months… Friday finally came and i had to get an emergency appointment to see him, he sent me straight to the psychiatric hospital… They didnt admit me because they didn’t have a room and according to her (who was a FUCKING bitch) thought i was acting up and doing it for attention!! i stormed out to my parents and texted my doctor who rang me straight away, i filled him in on everything he was like a small antichrist, he wasn’t a happy bunny that’s for sure!! I remember the phone call so clearly – he was trying to reassure me that everything would be ok, that she doesn’t know me and who did she think she was to say something like that!! A line i remember fully from what he said was ‘I sent you there in hoping they would offer you some form of assistance and help to get you through the weekend when in fact they made you feel a 100 times worse!!’ He gave me an appointment to go see him on the Monday and we would talk about it properly then…

I self harmed again after coming home from the hospital and aswel as the saturday and sunday nights… The addiction of self harm had started again… My doctor got me an emergency appointment on the Wednesday to see my psychiatrist, they put me on more meds to try and keep me calm!! Am now on 7 meds a day and i am only 19 years old!! Im seen a counsellor on a weekly basis, a Occupational therapist/nurse twice a week for bulimia/anorexia which iv to be weighed at every appointment 😦 and a psychiatrist every second week as well as my GP..

It’s been horrible, i just needed to rant so badly… </3 unsure as to how much more i can take!!